Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Last Friday Night



If life were like a movie, than my Friday night would have been narrated as so:


"Bee had recently aqquired some bath bombs from LUSH. Not feeling well, she decided to take a bath and have a cup of tea. This is the story of that night..."









At first it doesn't sound very exciting (it wasn't) but then that creepy announcers voice starts to get under your skin. And the way he says that, so serious, "This is the story of that night." Now you start to think, well maybe things didn't go according to plan (they never do). And then your mind starts to race thinking, what DID happen. Maybe the bath bomb made the tub slick and she slid, spilled the tea thus burning herself, hit her head and drowned (unlikely as I'm writing this). Or maybe the bath was so relaxing she forgot about the tea and the whole house burned down (more likely but still, no). OR still yet, maybe the tea cup had a small crack in it which caused it to expolde, thus burning her, and then sparking a loose cord on the floor starting a fire for which she attempted to call the fire department but ends up falling INTO the tub WITH the phone which sparks an electric shock and she dies. (very Final Destination of you but still no. Side note: DId those movies creep anyone else out? I mean, I can't walk through my house now without seeing at least a hundred things that could possibly kill me in various stages of horrible circumstance.) No actually, my night went pretty much as planned. I had my tea, Earl Grey with lemon -- BEST kind to have, took my bath, and went to bed. Yeah my Friday nights aren't the most exciting, but let's face it; I'm married and I've been sick. I have excuses (lots of them). In fact, the creepiest thing to happen to me all night was this picture I took of my bath. I think I need to call up the GhostHunters (or use less photoshop) it certainly didn't look like that in person...
Bee x



Friday, August 26, 2011

Eagles don't flock. You have to find them one at a time.

Martha Stewart Flocking Powder


There are two stores you should never ever take me into if: A)you want to get out of the store before closing time, and B) you don't want me to spend every penny I have. These are: office supply stores and craft stores. No one gave my husband this memo because yesterday, he took me to the craft store. His intention was to get a signed poster custom framed. My intention? Hello?! Crafts. 

The problem with myself and crafts is that I have absolutely no filter. There is no craft too easy, difficult, or expensive for me. And if it's on sale...I'll do it. I don't care what it is, what it does, or if it even creates a useful product. Just this year alone I've started knitting and felting, as well as making plushies (which my cats LOVE), paper, bath bombs, laundry detergent (maybe not so much a craft)...the list goes on.

My husbands first mistake (other than taking me to a craft store in the first place) was taking me to Michael's. Why you ask? Because Michael's sells an exclusive line of crafty things by my most favorite crafty person; Martha Stewart (It's OK, you can totally judge me for it. I love her anyway). His second mistake came when I said "I'm just going to look around while you get an estimate." His response, "OK." I doubt he'll make that mistake twice. I started out looking for things I could use for my nail art venture (which you can view at your leisure here at: BeePolished. Shameless marketing I know.) I did manage to find some tiny glass beads but they were a little more expensive than I felt was worth it so I skipped them. Then I got caught up in the paper aisle for awhile because it was all 40% off. And there is nothing (non-living) in this world that I love more than paper. Nothing. (OK, SOME things). But miraculously I managed to escape the FOUR aisles of paper with nothing to purchase (I should seriously get a medal for that) And then...I spotted it. The Martha Stewart craft aisle. 

The Martha aisle is at the VERY front of the store and the framing department is at the VERY back of the store. So you'd think I'd have just RUN up to the front to see what she had, but this is not how the Martha aisle operates. It has to be savoured. It's the treat in the cereal box (Do they even do that anymore?) that you have to wait until JUST the right bowl of cereal to find (Who am I kidding? Are we the only ones who dumped the whole bag into a giant bowl to get the toy?). The dessert at the end of a meal (Right, like you wait? You're an adult, remember? Dessert sometimes IS dinner.) Even better than finding the aisle after perusing the whole store is finding the aisle has turned yellow. Yes...yellow. You know what that means: clearance labels! Granted, most of the clearance items were gone. But as fate would have it there were TWO large (and ridiculously cute) jars of glass micro beads. Perfect for my nail art AND within a more than reasonable price point. Better still...the row above the completely wiped out glass beads was filled with: wait for it...wait for it...


FLOCKING POWDER. 


Flocking powder. Doesn't it look SO soft?

What IS flocking powder? Well...I have no idea. But it came in fun jars and colors, looked exceptionally fluffy and soft AND it was on clearance. So I bought one of every color (except dark pink. You have to have SOME standards). Of course my husband questioned my flocking powder purchase to which I responded (quite rationally), 

"But it's Martha Stewart!" 

And the best thing about buying Martha crafts? You know that somewhere on her website, she has some kind of craft requiring said item (and usually quite a few other things that you'll NEED to return to the craft store to purchase!)...and so without further adieu...I present to you: FLOCKING!! (which is actually SUPER fun, SUPER easy and SOOOO soft.)

Feel free to click on the picture to blow it up and see the EPIC softness of the flocking. It's OK...you can feel the screen too...I won't judge you (maybe a little) :)

Guess who's getting flocked EVERYTHING this year? That's right: everyone. :P

Side note: It costs no less than $260 to have a 13x8 inch poster custom framed. You might think I'm kidding or exaggerating but I promise I'm not. That's highway robbery. End rant.

Bee x

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Yes Charlie, if only we were all wearing license plates...


Annoying thing number one about having bangs: You have to wash them daily.  And even if you wash them, dry them, and gently caress them with a round brush, there's only about a 15% chance they'll do what you want.

I've had bangs for most of my life.  In fact, every single time I attempt to grow them out...and nearly succeed...I see someone with the most amazing bangs and then I cut them again.  And then I remember that there are about 1001 completely annoying things about having bangs.  Like that obnoxious way they stick up like crazy in the morning no matter how perfect they were when you went to bed (or how many ways you try to pin them down.)  Or the way that they always seem to part but never in the same place.  Then there's the way that no matter how many 'expert tricks' you try in the summertime they're always perpetually stuck to the front of your face.  

(There's a good chance at this point that you're asking yourself, is she seriously blogging about bangs? The answer is yes. There's no exciting subject change coming.  So if you're not a fan of bangs...maybe skip this one. The title DOES say random. What's more random than bangs? Speaking of...)

All I ever really wanted was for my bangs to do that perfect swingy, feathery thing that they always seem to do on those models in the 60's. Or Zooey Deschanel.  I would literally KILL for her bangs. (OK so not literally.) Yes, I have bang envy, don't judge.  Inevitably as soon as I get them looking perfect (which happens about 5 times in a given year) something hideous happens. It rains.  There's a sudden heat/wind storm.  Or this happens:   
               



Yes, that's my hair dryer.  I dropped it on the floor this morning.  Don't worry. It lived. Sort of.  The fact that the back half of it has been missing forever or that the front piece often randomly slides off mid-drying session had nothing to do with this particular fall.  They're battle scars of past dropping incidents.  At first, I thought my dryer was a goner...but then, as you would do with a junker car, I just popped the pieces back on, pressed the 'go' button and voila! Good as new. Right? For those of you asking yourselves, is it safe to use that? (Probably not.) Ask yourselves this question instead: Have I purchased a new hair dryer since 1996? If you answered yes, then you clearly don't understand my affinity for this particular hairdryer. (Or how cheap I am.)  It was a Christmas present from my dad.  Like thirteen Christmases ago.  And it DOES still work.  Quite nicely actually.  It might not be tourmaline or have the word "infinity" on it.  But this thing has got some serious mileage on it and it's still going strong.  It's practically vintage.  Which is likely the cause of my bang problems in the first place.  But hey...you win some. You lose some. :P

Bee x