Thursday, August 25, 2011

Yes Charlie, if only we were all wearing license plates...

Annoying thing number one about having bangs: You have to wash them daily.  And even if you wash them, dry them, and gently caress them with a round brush, there's only about a 15% chance they'll do what you want.

I've had bangs for most of my life.  In fact, every single time I attempt to grow them out...and nearly succeed...I see someone with the most amazing bangs and then I cut them again.  And then I remember that there are about 1001 completely annoying things about having bangs.  Like that obnoxious way they stick up like crazy in the morning no matter how perfect they were when you went to bed (or how many ways you try to pin them down.)  Or the way that they always seem to part but never in the same place.  Then there's the way that no matter how many 'expert tricks' you try in the summertime they're always perpetually stuck to the front of your face.  

(There's a good chance at this point that you're asking yourself, is she seriously blogging about bangs? The answer is yes. There's no exciting subject change coming.  So if you're not a fan of bangs...maybe skip this one. The title DOES say random. What's more random than bangs? Speaking of...)

All I ever really wanted was for my bangs to do that perfect swingy, feathery thing that they always seem to do on those models in the 60's. Or Zooey Deschanel.  I would literally KILL for her bangs. (OK so not literally.) Yes, I have bang envy, don't judge.  Inevitably as soon as I get them looking perfect (which happens about 5 times in a given year) something hideous happens. It rains.  There's a sudden heat/wind storm.  Or this happens:   

Yes, that's my hair dryer.  I dropped it on the floor this morning.  Don't worry. It lived. Sort of.  The fact that the back half of it has been missing forever or that the front piece often randomly slides off mid-drying session had nothing to do with this particular fall.  They're battle scars of past dropping incidents.  At first, I thought my dryer was a goner...but then, as you would do with a junker car, I just popped the pieces back on, pressed the 'go' button and voila! Good as new. Right? For those of you asking yourselves, is it safe to use that? (Probably not.) Ask yourselves this question instead: Have I purchased a new hair dryer since 1996? If you answered yes, then you clearly don't understand my affinity for this particular hairdryer. (Or how cheap I am.)  It was a Christmas present from my dad.  Like thirteen Christmases ago.  And it DOES still work.  Quite nicely actually.  It might not be tourmaline or have the word "infinity" on it.  But this thing has got some serious mileage on it and it's still going strong.  It's practically vintage.  Which is likely the cause of my bang problems in the first place.  But win some. You lose some. :P

Bee x

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